Perspective Taking and Social Skills
PlayGroup’s Tip: Stretching our thinking makes us more flexible.
Sometimes, it’s easy to understand another person’s perspective. More often, it’s pretty challenging to see where someone else is coming from. Kids have a lot less life experience to draw from than adults. It’s even more difficult for kids to imagine how a person with a different context may have a different opinion than they do. How can anyone like onions? Why can’t I run as far as I want? Neurodiverse kids in particular may be attuned to cues that are less likely to provide them with social information. For example, if the sensory experience of being bumped into is entirely overwhelming and disorienting, it’s harder to notice the expression on the person’s face whose shoulder just collided with yours. It may be clear to an observer that the interaction was an accident, but that possibility takes practice to consider, especially under stress.
How we do it:
In school settings, kids are encouraged to build skills in flexible-thinking, and they are frequently evaluated on their perceived success in doing so. At PlayGroup, we prefer to approach this work as “perspective-taking.” This isn’t a euphemism. We actively work together to stretch our thinking skills, becoming more flexible in considering multiple points of view. This isn’t only about “seeing the other side.” It’s a practice rooted in mutuality that moves beyond a binary of winners and losers. You can try our approach at home too!
Start with grounding and regulation. If kids are overwhelmed, it is extremely difficult to take other’s perspectives. Our brains are designed to narrow focus in times of stress. Think of how much more difficult it is to solve problems while stuck in traffic, versus daydreaming on the beach. If your kid is often irritable, consider increasing their access to rest and refueling.
Play “What if?” games. Practice perspective-taking in hypothetical scenarios. Make up stories about stuffed animals or people you passed on the subway. What if that person was on their way to the library? What book do you think they would choose? Why do you think that’s their favorite? Is it different from yours? Add a mental playground to the physical one. I see that kid is climbing so high. It looks like they enjoy climbing. I don’t like heights, but I wonder what it feels like to enjoy being so far off the ground.
Take note of opportunities for perspective-taking in your daily interactions:
Wow, I’m very stressed that we are running late. I wonder if you feel differently than I do right now.
I used to think going grocery shopping was boring, but I realized that the store always plays nice music, and now I kind of like it. Have you changed your mind about any activities?
You and your friend both seem upset. Do you think we can talk it through to learn how you are both feeling about this?
Most importantly, invite in other perspectives through the use of collaborative problem solving that can happen out loud at home. If needed, write down each individual’s idea or thought and draw out how those ideas can come together in collaboration. Slowing down the perspective-taking process gives our children the skills and tools they need to begin independently forming these ideas on their own. All of which leads to flexible thinking and increased social connections!